The Mayhem of Zelda's Wedding
by Dragonkiller
Summary: My story about the mayhem that occured during the wedding between Link and Zelda. My point of view.
1. part 1

I don't own Zelda, and I say that because this is a LOZ story, duh.  
  
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Hi, my name is Tim. I've been involved in my share of startling and surprising moments. But the one biggest one was during the wedding between Link and Zelda.  
  
When Link and Zelda were engaged, I always guarded their room at night. Of course, they wouldn't let me in. I figured they either had drugs or were having sex, so I always said to myself "Link's probably thinking 'keep that guy away from my cocaine'". Since they wouldn't let me in, I was really hoping they would let me see the wedding. Of course, with my luck I figured I wouldn't.  
  
On Link and Zelda's wedding day, it was a big, and I mean big deal. Of course, that was pretty expected. I had to guard the drawbridge to make sure nothing interrupted the wedding. To still see the wedding, I planted a camera above the entrance and watched it on one of those portable TV's. I was always the handy one. No one knew, although it was not all that small. I mean, it wasn't in the most obvious place.  
  
Close to everyone in Hyrule arrived, even though everyone, with the exception of me, was invited. The Gorons, the Zoras, and even the Gerudo were invited, with the exception of Ganondorf, he couldn't make it. None to the surprise of myself, Princess Ruto never showed up, I thought she was pissed that Link was marrying Zelda. To the surprise of me, Malon never showed up, even though Talon and Ingo did. I guess she had to tend to the animals. I didn't care, I never liked either of them. Of course, I didn't know what they were planning at the time.  
  
I was never a big "show up to a wedding" kinda guy, I liked watching TV and playing video games. Luckily, on one of the movie channels during the wedding, Roxanne was on. God I love that movie, you should see it. I turned it on during one of the boring priest talking wedding parts, I turned it on and one of my favorite comedy scenes of all time was on. Since I got so engulfed in the scene, I never realized a revolver bullet that whizzed over my head, until it crashed into the drawbridge. I tilted my head up and saw Ruto and Malon.  
  
They weren't alone, about 20 or 30 hit men were with them, with guns. I turned back to the wedding and I realized that if I don't hold them off long enough, they were gonna break into the Temple of Time before the wedding was over. I thought "Shit, here goes all the training I ever did". I took out my own gun, and aimed.  
  
If you're wondering how there were guns in Hyrule at this point, watch the movie "Back to the Future" and your questions will be answered. If you just wanna know, ask in a review and I'll tell ya, but in an e-mail. And back to the story.  
  
The hit men apparently were hired by Ruto and Malon to do something to stop the wedding. I never got the information(. It doesn't matter though. I heard Ruto yell "open fire" so I knew the battle had started. Even though the hit men were shooting at me, I wasn't firing back. I was shooting at the chain holding the drawbridge up so I could get into my Secret Stash of Important Crap. Unfortunately the drawbridge was destroyed upon impact so I couldn't get in. I didn't have enough bullets to kill all the hit men so I went into the defensive. I dodged bullets and waited for the moment to come.  
  
Finally the moment came. The hit men ran out of ammo, so I took advantage of this moment and tried jumping across the moat, but if you know me, you would know I didn't make it.  
  
I'd tell you more, but I think you've had enough. I won't tell you any more story, unless you want me too. 


	2. The Conclusion and Beginning of anew

Well, I know I wasn't going to tell you any more of the story, but I will because you want me too. Actually, I was gonna continue anyway, that was just a joke so you would review, I have to finish so the truth could get out. But enough preaching, ON WITH THE STORY!  
  
Well, in the water, I realized I could slant the drawbridge enough to get to my Secret Stash of Important Crap. As soon as that was done, I got out and hurried to the bridge, but was surrounded by the hit men before I got there. They charged at me all at once, so I ran up one and they all crashed into each other. I ran to the drawbridge and made it, but had no time to do anything but try to make to the Secret Stash of Important Crap.  
  
In the Market, I raced for the Bombchu Bowling Alley. The Stash was behind the hole in the bull's eye. I accidentally destroyed the door running in. The Bombchu Bowling Person asked "Stash Time" I responded "go". In our language, that means yes. The only words in our language are: Stash Time-need to get into your Secret Stash of Important Crap Go-Yes No-No  
  
I went into the Stash and pulled out my Minigun and ammo, they're good stuff. I heard the hit men talking to the lady at the counter. All I heard was from the hit men "drawbridge guard" and from the lady at the counter "never heard of him, would you like a round of Bombchu Bowling" before they choked her to death. Then I wondered "why was she here instead of the wedding. Then I remembered she once told me "whenever you're doing something dangerous, I'll be here". She's a mind reader or a fortune teller, I know it. After that, I extracted painful and terrible vengeance.  
  
I busted the bull's eye thingy down and just went crazy with the trigger. In seven seconds, the place was in ruins and twenty nine hit men were killed. The last one bugged out, but I think I lost my salary for the next seven months. Luckily, I'm coming back in two days from the future to see them again. To me, it's been 9 months, to them, 48 hours. I wonder if anything has changed over the past 48 hours. I also have a recorder showing the effects of what happened between the hit men incident and me going back to the future. The future I'm talking about is now. And here it is.  
  
Scene is BBA 2 minutes after the incident. Ironically, the hit men were killed and the wedding was finished within 20 seconds of each other.  
  
Link: Zelda wants to see you.  
  
Me: Shit, this can't be good.  
  
Link: Come on.  
  
Me: This has to be about the drawbridge.  
  
Scene, Castle  
  
Link: Wait here.  
  
Tim: I am so dead, I hope Zelda hasn't been smoking that cocaine again.  
  
Link: Come on in.  
  
Inside  
  
Zelda: The drawbridge is in ruins, and so is the BBA.  
  
Tim: So, I'm going back to the future after this meeting.  
  
Zelda: Oh no you're not, you're fixing the drawbridge and the BBA.  
  
Tim: The BBA lady was killed by hit men.  
  
Link/Zelda: HIT MEN!?  
  
Tim: Here's the story. While you two were getting married, Malon and Ruto appeared with hit men and attempted to break in and stop the wedding. I tried to throw the drawbridge down and get in my Secret Stash of Important Crap. The drawbridge broke, but I eventually got in. Then I took a Minigun and killed them off, but in anger, I tore a hole in the BBA. Then Link showed up. What I was gonna do was go back to the future and get future tools for the drawbridge to speed up fixing and make it better.  
  
Zelda: Hurry back.  
  
Tim: To me, I'll be gone nine months, but for you, it'll just be 48 hours.  
  
Link: See you in the future.  
  
Tim: The past to me.  
  
Zelda: Whatever.  
  
10 minutes and 1 special effect later with tape off.  
  
So now it's been 9 months minus two days, so that's the story. In two days, I'll see you in Hyrule.  
  
Two days and 1 special effect later  
  
Hyrule looks kinda different. It looks like evil took over. Princess, Link.  
  
Look for the next part in Mayhem 2: Reverse evil. 


End file.
